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  • I'm not 50! I'm 18 with 32 years experience.
    $12.99
  • I'm not 40! I'm 18 with 22 years experience.
    $12.99
  • Aged To Perfection
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  • I ain't even mad
    $12.99
  • Did someone say BEERFEST?
    $12.99
  • I know that guacamole is extra!
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  • please excuse my dope ass swag
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  • Yeah Buddy!
    $12.99
  • Play like you had a fake girlfriend die today!
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  • STAY FRESH
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  • I INVENTED SEXY
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  • Normal People Scare Me
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  • COLDASS HONKEY
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  • YEAH BITCH! MAGNETS!
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  • YOLO BRO
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  • DERP
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  • Can't Touch This
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  • I'm Not The Woman You Can Trust
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  • NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A SICK MIND
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  • WORK HARDER! People on benefits depend on us.
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  • Keep The Dream Alive - Go Back To Sleep
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  • This is so awesome I wore the same one the day after yesterday.
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  • I've lost my phone #. Can I borrow yours?
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  • Aspiring, Rich, Blonde Socialite.
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  • IF I WANT TO HEAR PITTER PATTER OF LITTLE FEET, I'LL PUT SHOES ON MY CAT
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  • Love never dies... but sometimes it moves out and takes the T.V.
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  • I'VE NEVER BEEN MENTIONED IN DISPATCHES
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  • I'm not antisocial. I just don't like people.
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  • TRY ME OUT
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  • I Invented Swag
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  • I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don't want to see you every day.
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  • The funniest thing about this is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's too late for you to stop reading it. You dumb ass!
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  • My code is guaranteed 100% mistrake free.
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  • ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, FIREARMS. WHO'S BRINGING THE CHIPS?
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  • Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?
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  • SHHHHH this is my hangover.
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  • I'm not santa (but you can still sit on my lap)
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  • My kids made me bald, tired, and broke then bought me this crappy and made me wear it.
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  • I'm Sorry! You looked good from a distance.
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  • This Is White.
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  • ROGER THAT!
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  • I'm not paid enough to be nice to you.
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  • Why Are All The Bad Men Taken?
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  • No, I don't look busy... because I got it right the first time.
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  • I Found Jesus! (He Was Hiding Behind The Couch)
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  • If you can read this I'm not planking.
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  • Anybody can be cool... but awesome takes practice.
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  • I'LL TRY TO BE NICER IF YOU TRY TO BE SMARTER.
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  • Good friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.
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  • People like YOU are the reason people like ME need medication.
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  • If I were a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seed?
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  • I'M NOT HEAVY. I'M KIDNAP RESISTANT.
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  • SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT!
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  • So Many Men So Little Space Under The Yard
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  • DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED
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  • my mom says I'm cool
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  • The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Rib Cage
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  • HEAVILY ARMED EASILY PISSED
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  • You're just jealous that the voices only talk to me!
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  • drink sensibly... don't spill it
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  • I LIKE DOING HOODRAT STUFF WITH MY FRIENDS
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  • I Smile Because You're My Sister. I Laugh Because There's Nothing You Can Do About It!
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  • A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
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  • Save A Virgin. Do Me Instead.
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  • My idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand.
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  • I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day! :)
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  • MULTISLACKER
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  • Spring Break: KAZAKHSTAN
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  • BEER: Connecting People
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  • YEP! YOUR GAYDAR IS ACCURATE!
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  • DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT
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  • I LIKE TO FART ON THE FIRST DATE!
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  • bollocks
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  • IDIOT ABROAD
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  • i am currently away from my computer
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  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. In the office I have a work station. Need I say more?
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  • I'm going green (starting with my liver)
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  • My Baby Rocks
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  • WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED
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  • The hardest part of riding is... THE GROUND
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  • Almost Single
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  • ONE BOYFRIEND IS NOT ENOUGH.
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  • before you judge me, make sure you are perfect.
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  • PARDON MY FRENCH
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  • NEW JERSEY - Smells like an old jersey.
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  • HOOLIGAN
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  • Let me buy you a nice cold glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP
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  • LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS!
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  • Drink Triple. See Double. Act Single.
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  • UNDERCOVER GENIUS
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  • Give a man a beer, he'll waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, he'll waste a lifetime.
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  • Ninjas stole my costume.
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  • I'm Here For The BOOS!
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  • costume
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  • I hate being bi-polar. It's Awesome!
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  • GEE, I BETCHA YOU GOT A SWELL VAGINA!
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  • I JUST AWESOMED ALL OVER THIS PLACE
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  • HIGH AS FUCK
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  • I hope your couch pulls out because I don't.
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  • bitches are people too!
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  • THREE IN THE PINK. FORGET THE STINK.
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  • GET ME DRUNK AND ENJOY THE SHOW!
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  • I MAKE BITCHES WET
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  • NON-EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
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  • Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.
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  • NYMPHOMANIAC TREATMENT CENTER STAFF
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  • IT ONLY SEEMS KINKY THE FIRST TIME
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  • I LEARNED FROM LESBIANS
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  • I don't need a tractor to pull hoes!
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  • Today I saw an old lady fall down a flight of stairs. That was some funny shit.
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  • SHOW ME THEM TITTIES!
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  • I invented a new drinking game... Drink 'Til You Fuck Me!
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  • GET DRUNK OR GET THE FUCK OUT!
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  • NEWS FLASH: I'm Special!
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  • THE PUSSY WHISPERER
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  • I don't make mistakes... I date them.
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  • Please tell your tits to stop staring at my eyes.
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  • BACON IS NOT THE ANSWER. IT'S THE QUESTION. THE ANSWER IS YES!
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  • frunk as duck
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  • looking for meaningful overnight relationship
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